I got my start doodling like all children do, but there was something about creativity as an outlet that puts me at peace. Drawing put in me in a place when everything was possible with nothing but a simple pen and a sheet of blank paper. When I was maybe 13-years-old, I decided I wanted to be an artist...and I heavily pursued that notion.
By the time I entered college, I had my heart set on visual arts. I studied Drawing and Painting at Georgia State University and received my BFA in 2016. Then, my life took a bit of an odd turn. I wanted so desperately to start a career in digital painting, in a field full of “Art” and I wanted to be the “Artist” I had always dreamed about becoming. But that’s not what happened…
I became a graphic designer, a career I rejected years ago when I applied for college. I spent a year and a half spiraling into a sort of depressive state, longing to be the artist I thought I would become. The monotonous 8-5’s we’re drowning me, and drowning my creativity until everything felt like it was standing still...I did nothing but go to work and come home to go back to work again. I didn’t paint, I didn’t write, I didn’t play music, I cut all my hair off, I didn’t decorate my house and I stopped dressing nicely. I felt like nothing.
Now, as a shell of the person I used to be, something crazy happened. I began to think. Since I was a graphic designer, tons of new ideas suddenly surrounded me, one of them being marketing, a position so far from the plan to become an artist. However, in this new environment I realized that my calling was not necessarily to become a general artist, painting may days away.
It was creation.
My world suddenly unfolded before me. I could re-frame ANYTHING to be centered around creation. Writing, reading, learning, decorating, fashion, music, were all things that helped define me and I was missing that with my tunnel vision to become “only a visual artist”. All of these other creative concepts also defined me as a person so I began to embrace them. Creation became a personal goal of mine and I began trying to live every day focus on creating something. The...something else crazy happened. I was happy again. I was excited about the future and wondered why I ever felt such despair in the first place.
However, that’s not the end of the story...well let’s just say this story doesn’t exactly have an end at all. What I learn through this experience was that I don’t need to figure out the “whats” in my life, I need to figure out the “whys”. And the same goes for every living person on this planet.
“Why did I stop going to class”, “Why am I feeling so down today”, “Why is my job so unfulfilling”, “Why do I act the way I do”, and so on. All of these “why” questions help us move beyond the surface of our problems and instead of getting to know our problem, we get to know ourselves.
The most important question we can ask ourselves in any situation is “why”. But not just ask
“Why”, we must also work hard to answer it.
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